It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
