I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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