You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
