And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
