literally had 100 drinks last night.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
