Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
