I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
