he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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