I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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