i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
