So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
