Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
