Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
