so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
