Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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