I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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