He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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