how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
she pinky promised me she was 18
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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