I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
