he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
