she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
