Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I had to cum in my sink.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
