"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
