if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
