there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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