Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
