yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
