No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
