im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
