he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
