not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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