Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
