She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
