finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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