I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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