So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
