Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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