It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
