I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
