Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
