a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
