You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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