can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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