I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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