OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
