Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
