It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
