Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
