I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
