____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
