he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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