I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
